The Ten Steps On How to Get a Guy to Notice You

Do you ever go to a party or club and wonder how some girls manage to get loads of boys? Well after much research I have come to the conclusion that are plenty steps that these girls take in order to get themselves noticed by these guys. So to help you, my fellow girls, I have created 'The 10 steps on how to get a guy to notice you':

Mmm, sexy.

Step one - Be orange.
It says it in the title, simple. Remember: Orange is the new you - forget your original colour, this is no longer important. When you're orange, you look great. The way your skin has this healthy look of Oompa Loompa-ness reaks total elegance.

Step two - Moth lashes
Always remember; eyes aren't important. Eyelashes, however, are. The bigger the better! Who cares if you have eyes when you have eyelashes longer than Nicki Minaj. Guys don't care about your eyes either, so you might as well just hide them.

Step three - Lips are overrated
Now that you've transformed yourself into a beautiful Oompa Loompa, it's time to make your lips the colour of your natural skin. This will confuse the males and make them think that there must be many levels of amazing colours to your tropical juice looking face, therefore, you must be great fun.

Step four - Jeremy Kyle
Go on Jeremy Kyle. This gives you 'air time', therefore, you are technically famous. This also triggers great conversation with guys, "Yeah, I gave 10 guys STI's xo"

Step five - Dress as little as you can
This is something that is most important when getting a guys attention. Forget sophistication - that is not important. Forget dignity, they don't care about that either. When planning your wardrobe, think about which is most likely to get you arrested for being a hooker. This means wearing nipple tassels, fishnets and a thong - it'll go down a treat.

Step six - Play with your hair and laugh
When you have finally got the guys attention, remember to always play with your hair, flick it and do the most stupidest laugh imaginable, this will give the boy confidence and will make him like you more.
Tips on how to do the laugh include:

• Pretty much scream in their face in a high pitched tone. You might piss dogs off, but the guy will think it's cute.

Step seven - Be stupid
Lets be honest, he's not interested in your theory of relativity or anything else intelligent about you, therefore, be stupid. Not only will he think it's cute, but it will also make him feel like the superior. ALWAYS REMEMBER - You're only important when it comes to making him food.

Step eight - Boys like their food
As said before, you're only important when it comes to making him food. Even if you're out at a club or at a party, go out and buy him a sandwich (even better if you make it yourself - it shows you care). Obviously, you need to get his attention, so don't just walk up to him and throw a sandwich in his face. You stand at the other side of the room waving the sandwich in the air, this way he looks at you and then will walk over to retrieve the sandwich.

Step nine - Dance moves
Now obviously you must show the guy your amazing dance moves - if you're lucky and you're good, this might lead him into thinking you're good in bed (even if you're not).
There are many different dance moves that you can use to get a guys attention. I would recommend THE SLUT DROP. Not only does it show your incredible balance skills when you're down by the floor, but it gives you the opportunity to show off your arse.
When a guy is grinding against you from the behind - this is good, it means that you have caught their attention. It's even better if they grab you by the hand and spin you round, because this means they are going to attempt to kiss you. Warning: although you have been letting him grind against you, you have not seen his face, therefore, be ready to run away because he may not be what you were expecting.

Step ten: False advertising
Finally, you need to give the impression you are a lot bigger in all areas than you actually are. To do this, you need FALSE ADVERTISING, i.e - push up bra. The biggest push = the best. Top tip: If you have decided to wear clothes, then make sure they are tight to help with the push up bra! This way your boobs pop out and you can pretend that you need a leash to 'calm your puppies'.

When you're going out, if you remember these top ten steps, you shall be getting a guys attention within 10 minutes.


Before I leave you, I must say that this is 100% not serious (if you believe I have been, then you are an idiot) and I strongly suggest that you do not abide by many of these rules. I say 'many', because a little false advertising never hurts anyone (except the boys when they realise you've been lying)

Nikita xo